Letters To Congress
I am a big believer in writing to my Congress peoples, especially my congressman. I like to write him most of all because if there was ever a person who could represent my interests in the federal government…he is furthest from it. It is almost like having The Evil Me from “Mirror, Mirror” as my representative in the House. (Evil Me looks like me, but has a goatee and a scar.)
I watch CSPAN like others watch football. Bills come to the floor and I sit ready with my nachos and my “NAY!” foam finger. The vote comes round to my representative and I am standing on the couch screaming, “NAY, NAY, NAY!” Invariably, my congressman utters, “Yae,” then turns to the camera and raises his eyebrows as if to dare me to write to him. I never shy away from this challenge. Immediately I type up a quick response on my computer and send off an email. Oh the sweet satisfaction of instantaneous correspondence! But weeks later, I will receive a typed response usually in the vain of, “Well, I just don’t agree with your viewpoint.” And from that I have a form letter I send back indicating that his viewpoint is irrelevant as it his job to represent ME. A bit of an exaggeration, sure, but not untrue either. I also remind him that I pay his salary.
I want to go on, boy how I want to go on, but I am straying from the point of all this. Until now, all my ramblings to my congressman have lacked persistence and have not dealt with current House agendas. So, I am going to start “Friday Letters To My Congressman Campaign.” I intend to keep track of the House Happenings via their website and provide my congressman with a complete list of how I would have behaved in the House in his stead. I am going to become a Backseat Congressman.
I tell you all this just in case I “dissappear.” You’ll all know the truth and I won’t just be an X-File. I am sure I have already been flagged by Homeland Security and filed in the “Dissenter” cabinet. Also, if I do disappear, be sure to smash your hard drive and change your address and phone number because you may have been flagged by association. Terribly sorry about that.
With that I give you today’s letter’s topic: Clean Air – Let’s Get Some! Honestly, this brown air we currently have is SO 1980s. (Please note that I wrote this letter before I checked the House agenda for the day, so it does not speak to any of this weeks House activities. Still, I totally stuck it to The Man.)
Should I be concerned? Why weren’t you at work today? Did it really only take one letter for you to get nabbed? Man! That must have been an awesome letter! Tap Tap Lordleiter’s surfboards!