Touche, Miranda Kopfschmertzen, Touche

One of my biggest pet peeves is a dirty kitchen. Not other people’s, mind you, but my own. That is not to say that I am the cleanest person in the world, but I tend to not let more that one meal’s dishes pile up, and I use all my super powers to prevent the dishes from ever wandering beyond the sink basin. The point of this is that I like to keep the kitchen counter clear and free of objects that do not belong on said counter top.

My wife, Miranda Kopfshmertzen, has a conflicting peeve, where she does not like to put large objects, like empty juice bottles, into our tiny under-the-sink trash bin as one bottle can almost max out the bin’s holding capacity, hence throw away one bottle and suddenly you have to take the trash out again. Her solution to this is to put the empty bottle on the counter top, albeit neatly, but still on the counter top.

Last night such an event happened. For reasons I can’t explain, after 5 years of living together, I suddenly had the courage to confront this situation. I had just cleaned up the kitchen, walked into the living room, decided to get a glass of water and when I returned to the kitchen, there it was – an empty Ocean Spray cranberry juice bottle, next to the sink…mocking me. Keep in mind, I was very diplomatic and polite about this. I did not just blurt out, “WOMAN! How many times I gots to be tellin’ you not to be puttin’ the damn trash on the kitchen counter?” On the contrary, I prefaced my request with a declaration of love, and then asked if she would not mind putting such items in the trash, acknowledging full well that this is rooted in my neurosis and conceding to take out the trash when it becomes full as a compromise.

My wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen, paused for a moment to determine if I was serious or just making a really bad joke. Realizing that I was indeed serious she calmly said, “Trash? You are lucky the empty bottles make it out of the refrigerator.”

I took a moment to reflect. My wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen, was absolutely right. Finding the empties in the fridge would make me audibly upset and probably cause me to go into a tizzy; whereas finding them on the kitchen counter only causes me mild annoyance. I thanked my wife for making the situation clear to me and went about my business.