Too Old For This
My birthday came and went this week. It was delightful as always and many people wished me a happy birthday; which is always nice; and thank you to all who wished me well. But the coup d’rad was the gift from my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen. She gave me an XBox.
When I was little I had first the Atari 2600, then the original Nintendo. (You are mentally dating me now, aren’t you?) Then Super Nintendo came out somewhere during high school. At this point I thought, I am too old for video games. But during a summer break from college a few years later, I was working at K-Mart (not my finest hour) and there was a special on the Super Nintendo and it came with Zelda. I thought, “Damn! With my uber generous 10% employee discount, I can’t pass this up.” And so a new game system was had.
Many years later the Nintendo 64 emerged in the flurry of Play Station and other failed consoles. Again, I thought, “I am way too old for this.” But lo, another special, this time appealing to nostalgia. A package deal with the Nintendo 64 and the sweet Star Wars game? To not puchase this would be to betray my childhood. And so a new game system was had.
Flash foward to a year ago: a new rash of game consoles (Game Cube, PS2 and XBox). I consider getting one, but think, “Surely NOW I am too old. I am married and own a house.” Plus, as loyal as I had been to Nintendo, the Game Cube seemed a bit fruity. And for a year I put it out of my mind. In the last couple months XBox has been airing commecials for their latest deal: price drop plus “Tetris” and “Star Wars: Clone Wars.” Everytime time the commercial came on I got a little misty-eyed. My wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen, being the lovely and perceptive lady that she is, picked up on my hankering and behold: a new game system was had.
Now you all know my dirty secret: I worked at K-Mart. XBox is super fun. The best part is that it comes with the “married man package.” No longer must husbands negotiate for a “game night,” we can hook up our XBoxes via the Internet and play hockey, race cars and have lightsaber battles together without leaving our houses. Granted we will probably have to wait for our wives to be asleep to do this, but…
They (and by “they” I mean The Man) are going to put me into one of those acoholic commercials of yore – “I’m Bill and I’m an alcoholic. I’m Emmitt and I’m an alcoholic. I’m Lordleiter and I’m a total dork. I’m Sally…”
I am sure I am too old for this, but we all need a vice. I fear my generation is forever plagued with video games.
Happy (belated) birthday. I hope that Cookie got you a new game (or seven!!) for your Xbox. That’s just freakin’ rad, dude. Fully. To the extreme. Oh wait, I am dating myself now, aren’t I?
Blasphemy. You say having an xbox is like the plague?! Eesh please. You love it, don’t be ashamed of your love.
The XBOX has you.