Things You Should Remember That You Do Not

While showering this morning, I spent an exorbitant amount of time holding the shampoo bottle trying to remember if I’d already washed my hair or not. If I hadn’t, I definitely wanted to do so. But if I had, I certainly did not want to wash my hair twice, thus embarrassing myself to the aliens who are constantly observing me. Everybody has aliens observing them. They keep records. “Ah. Lordleiter washed his hair twice today….very interesting…” I knew they had already marked down “Wednesday, 7:45: subject has been staring at the shampoo bottle for an exorbitant amount of time; he doesn’t appear to be reading the label, just staring…very interesting…”

How do events that just happen not register in memory? I either just washed my hair or I just did not wash my hair. Either way, I could not recall the last minute of my life. It is just like when you pass through and intersection while driving and then you wonder, “Wait, what color what the light?”

Tell me America. Tell me of your brainfarts.