Day of Incompetence Continues

Editor’s Note: It should noted that it was not just the work of three dopes that gave me this precious day, but rather a whole network of dopes comprising several companies all working in tandem that helped make a warm January day so very special.

An Incompetence Carol
by Lordleiter

Chapter 2My Own Bank

When my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen, and I were getting ready for our Zion vacation, I happen to notice that my ATM card was set to expire at the end of December. Seeing as our vacation was due to start at the beginning of January, and being a big fan of having cash available on my vacation, I became concerned. However, that same day my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen, received her new ATM card in the mail. I thought for sure, mine was not far behind. And with Christmas and New Year’s still to deal with before vacationtime, my card concern went right out of my head. (One idiot point for me for that.)

But to my credit, I did remember it again before vacation started. I called my bank about a week before January.

“Hi, my ATM card is set to expire at the end of December and I still haven’t received a replacement,” I explained.

“Okay, well what you’ll want to do is wait for the expiration to pass and if you still haven’t received your new card, call back then and we’ll replace it,” the clerk suggested.

I asked the obvious, “How long will it take for a replacement to arrive?”

“Seven to 10 days.”

“Working days or calendar days,” I needed specifics.

“Working days.”

“And how am I to do my banking in the mean time?” I thought this a reasonable question.

“You can just come into the branch office to do your banking,” she said cheerfully.

First of all the branch office, their only branch office is 30 miles away. Furthermore, it is 30 miles of LA sprawl which takes a minimum of one hour one way to drive. (Unless you are driving between the hours of 2am and 3am, but they don’t have hours then.) Why we still bank there is a whole other story of incompetence and indentured servitude, but is not important to the story of this particular day. But know that after four years, they still have my wife’s name wrong. Very secure. However, about the 30 miles, the clerk lady didn’t know that.

“I am sorry, but I am afraid that won’t work. I live too far away and I am not comfortable with the idea of not having an ATM card for two weeks. Is there anyway I can just go ahead and have you order a new card for me now?”

“Sure. Can I help you with anything else?”

I wanted to ask her why she suggested waiting first, but didn’t.

Days passed by, and though I didn’t really expect the card to come, I still diligently checked the mail in hopes that it would. Of course it didn’t, and by the time we set off for Zion, I was ATM cardless. Which was fine so long as I didn’t accidentally
lose my wife, Miranda Kopfshcmertzen.

But even when we returned from our vacation, it still hadn’t arrived. They were going for the full 10 working days. It wasn’t until The Day of Incompetence that it actually arrived. I was pumped. I was back in the 21st century. I tore into the envelop to find…(sad horns) ANOTHER NEW CARD FOR MY WIFE! (And still with her name wrong.)

Granted this is another idiot point for me. Even though I was the one who called the bank and asked for a new card, I was foolish to assume that the bank clerk would hear a man’s voice, hear me say “I need a new card” and match that up with the man’s name on the bank account. Or maybe I sound like a chick on the phone.

Either way, I was livid. Immediately I go to the phone again and call my bank.

“Hi, I need a new ATM card as mine expired 10 days ago and you still have not sent me a new one. You sent my wife two cards, but none to me.”

“I’ll transfer you.” The receptionist was totally not sympathetic to my plight.

The bank clerk picked up the line, “Can I help you?”

“Yes! I need a new ATM card as mine expired 10 days ago and you still have not sent me a new one. You sent my wife two cards, but none to me.”

“Okay,” she said pleasantly,” I’ll mail you out a form. Fill it out and send it back. Then we’ll send you out a new card.”

“What’s that you say?” I inquired. “A form? You didn’t ask for a form last time. You didn’t even ask who the card was for. You just sent it. Why all the Jack Webb now?”

“I am sorry?” she asked, a little irritated.

Perhaps I played the smartass card a bit too soon. And though, I do believe that an individual should not bear the full brunt of one’s anger towards a company, I do feel that they are still a representative of the company, and your upset does need to be conveyed. Then, hopefully they will bring it up at the next company meeting and measures will be taken to improve customer service. I know this is a fantasy, but I like to pretend companies work this way.

“My ATM card expired,” I laid out the details slowly, “Your bank never sent me a replacement. So, I called for a replacement. You sent one right out, but it was for my wife. I need a replacement card. Lordleiter. Lordleiter needs the replacement. You didn’t have to send a form then, so I don’t understand why we need a form now. I don’t have time to wait another 10 days.”

“I’ll send that right out. Can I help you with anything else?”

I can’t wait for my wife’s third card to arrive.


  1. Miranda on 11 January 2006 at 9:14 am

    …or better yet, The Nuge.

  2. Anastasia Beaverhausen on 11 January 2006 at 4:53 am

    It would be totally awesome if the name on the card was Humboldt Coleman.

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