Spammers are working at a furious pace to get my dollar. I have news for you, you wily turds, I am on to your shady tricks. I am going to try and save you some time (as well as save me the time of deleting 35 emails a day). Here is a list of things that I can assure you I do not need:
- Valium (aka val1ium, aka val1ium, aka va.lium)
- Viagra (aka v1agra, aka v)ia)gra, aka via gra, aka via.gr.a)
- Cialis (I don’t even know what this one is.)
- Credit (My credit is fine.)
- Home Loan (I already have a house.)
- PC Software (I use an Apple computer and your pirated software is no good to me.)
- A Fake Passport (I am already convinced Bush & Co. are out to get me, I don’t want to put myself on any unnecessary hit lists.)
- Virility Patch (This comes in patch form now?)
- Human Growth Hormone (Not sure what this is for, but when I decide to get that tail, I’ll let you know.)
- University Diploma (Have one. It is accredited and everything.)
- Meds (This is name the government uses for “drugs” as “drugs” have a negative connotation. Oddly enough, we still go to the drug store to get our meds.)
- Help With His Problem (I think they meant to send this to my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen.)
- Fix My Bad Credit (See Credit)
Also, some one sent me this unsolicited message yesterday:
horseman brunettelarynx tenneco befallcabot empiric malarialardency beecham postmultiplydifferentiable thankful quadrangledeliverance pour circuswinch algiers cavemangrievous blockhouse cubbyholeasterisk helga arccostaxonomy patty candlesticksanborn inverse duplicatehock castillo schuylkillpossess emirate babylongriddle thorough divisormorrison elate bellinghambackwater entrepreneurial thousandthcrescendo lanka cattlemanstatesmen therefore cassiopeiaembedding periwinkle caroldecision inference inclusiveharmful bicarbonate colealbanian cilia dribblestasis toad predatorykuwait procreate delictikowalski blew mitepithet offshoot katierasa screwdriver corrosionmukden rug caribouponchartrain disrupt burleytwice spirit expresswayfling propagate baileyscops reside compulsiveme acrylic appealdunlap bookbind inquiryboulevard congratulatory academicchairwomen cation mendelssohnbrakeman flout rangfireside babyhood metamorphismyouthful
I don’t think I speak that language and sadly the email you used (%FROM_USER@start.no) is not an email that can be replied to. So, if you are reading this, I am TOTALLY interested in rug, periwinkle and helga. Let me know. Thanks.