Yet More Beards
Just before summer started I cut my thumb real bad (which you may have read about way back in May). One of the results was I quick shaving for a bit. After a week or two, for no reason in particular, I decided to just let it go for the whole summer. I’d never let it go for more than about 6 weeks or so before. But because I know when I cut my thumb, I know the last day I’d shaved – May 24. I made it to August 18, before I had to cut it loose. Nearly 3 months.
In the interest of full disclosure I did trim the moustache several times. (Once the moustache gets too long eating becomes a hassle, and I certainly wasn’t committed enough to this project to alter my eating habits. Although, I’m pretty sure I did walk around with food in my beard a fair amount of times.) I also trimmed the beard itself. I never knew this before, but my beard tends to grow a bit lopsided if you just leave it to its own whimsy too long. It seems to have some sort of cowlick just under my chin. So I did even it out every few weeks.
Before we get to the pics (for those of you who didn’t immediately scroll to the to the pictures) let me answer a few beard-based fan questions:
Your wife let you do that?
Yes. Actually, she was quite fond of the beard and sad (but supportive) when I shaved it off. I went to two weddings as a bearded man and my wife proudly stood by me and took pictures with me and everything!
How did the world treat you as a bearded individual?
It depended on where I was. When in Seattle, I seemed to just belong. When I was in the Mormon strongholds of Idaho and Nevada I was shunned. At the airport, I was pulled aside, vigorously searched and had anything that could “justifiably” taken away from me confiscated. (I usually get singled out at the airport, but that was by far the most intense scrutiny that has ever been paid to me.)
What were your first impressions after shaving the beard off?
For the first day, it was what I imagine an amnesiac would see in a mirror. Weirder still, thought I looked a bit ill, like someone who had suffered from The Atkins. The beard had added some “weight” to my face and without it I looked oddly thin.
Side Note:
After the few times I’ve done these beard removal pictures, it is starting to get hard to think of styles I haven’t yet tried. If you have any requests for the future beard projects, please send them in. I’m nearly out of ideas.
Without further ado, I give you…
The Muir
The Comrade
…and…
Selleck
I find the beard subversive. Way to stick it to the man, baby!
No, I am not sure. Actually, I nearly called that one “The Bo Duke” but decided against it because I was worried people would associate that with Seann William Scott. So then I thought maybe I’d call it The Schneider, but again, I worried that people might mistakenly think I was referring to the janitor character from “One Day at a Time” and not world renowned character actor/thespian John Schneider. Then I noticed I put WAY too much thought into it and settled on “Selleck” sans the “The.” But now that you bring it up, “The Wilcox” would have been perfect.
Speaking of Poncherello and John, I am surprised Hollywood hasn’t yet exhumed CHiPs’ withered corpse to defile it into a feature length movie, no doubt staring some quasi-famous young actors who’s television shows were recently cancelled.
I am stunned by the Selleck – are you sure you aren’t “Jon” from CHiPs?
How ironic that you mention a feature length movie of CHiPs because said movie is currently in pre-production with Wilmer Valderrama assuming the role of Ponch. We now have something to look forward to in 2009.
Next time you should go for the Jack Sparrow- with braids and all! I decided. I have a costume for you to wear if you’d like.
i just spit my damn water out on my keyboard when I saw the selleck. hilarious. Rageous. by far my favorite. so do you owe me if my keyboard fries out?
yes the ChiPs movie is indeed a real thing. supposedly they are looking at Chris Evans from Fantastic four to be John.They are also making a One Day At A Time movie. Just kidding.
Isn’t “take the good and take the bad” from the Facts of Life? Because I’m pretty sure you take them both and there you have the facts of life. But, of course, the world doesn’t move to the beat of just one drum, and what might be right for you might not be right for some…
Dude, don’t question my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen. In fact, let me tell you a little bit about my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen. She’s fantastic, made of plastic. Microchips here and there. She’s a small wonder, brings love and laughter everywhere.
How about a Different Strokes movie? I would go see it. You gotta take the good and take the bad.
Oh, I was only trying to confirm my information. I would never say anything negative about your wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen, who always keeps me well fed on my visits, and is an absolute lamb in putting up with all sorts of uncalled-for nonsense. Macaroni, Dave…
And I can’t top Small Wonder; you shouldn’t have played the trump card so soon. All I can offer is a friendly warning to your readers (not, of course, that I would assume any of them to be so backward as to be AOL subscribers) that there are NO Dick Christie chat rooms allowed on AOL!
What the heck did I start? As always, I am out of my element. Alas.