Who To Root For?
Euro 2008 starts today and I still don’t know who to root for. Usually in national tournaments I naturally turn to my own country (through thick and thin). And when tournaments are euro-centric I root for England in honor (or honour) of my half-British nephews and my all-English sister-in-law. But though some sort of cosmic-weirdness/ultra-rare-planet-alignment England failed to qualify. England beware – your football hooligans will remain in England with nothing to focus on but the fact that England failed to qualify.
So, who to root for? I’ve been to some of the countries on the list. And of those I have a affinity for a few of them. And I actually have an Austrian friend (not just The Governator, whom I’m fast friends with ever since we’ve been emailing back and forth about closing scores of California’s state parks (he will no longer be closing them (you’re welcome))). I’m thinking it’s going to be between Switzerland (for their timeliness and cleanliness) and Austria (for baby Jasmine).
Although, this comes with some reluctance. As much as I appreciate these two countries hosting the tournament, the mascot things are right out. The dude does not abide. Twin pixies named Trix and Flix? What does that even mean. What do pixies and soccer have in common? Don’t worry Switzerland and Austria, five minutes with Photoshop and we can turn twin pixies into rival football hooligans named Brick and Goon.
Have to go. The first game is starting!
Hmmm… the Swiss do have the awesome chocolates. Maybe Germany? How’s France looking for this tournament? I don’t think Austria and definitely NOT Portugal. You’d think after watching all those matches this weekend I would have made up my mind already.
You have to root for Portugal… Beings that my wife is from Portugal I kind of have to root for them… But I may otherwise out of pity… Other than Soccer, what else does that country have to offer… OK they do make Port wine and I am very fond of Port Wine… Port Wine and a flourless chocolate cake is just about as good as… But really, Portugal used to be a kick ass imperialistic nation… Now they are known as the little country on the side of Spain… Or as Phycho Mike from KROQ put it, “Portugal is Spain’s taint”. Liz was very upset when I explained to her what and where the taint is located.
I may change my mind about Portugal just on the merit of GQ’s response (Poor, poor Liz!). But, port wine and flourless chocolate cake aside, I still think Portugal is a team of cocky, dirty, scheeming players. I get the distinct feeling they think they are entitled. But that just goes to show that my extent of world football knowledge is purely aesthetic and not terribly fact or statistic based.