How to Make a New Kitchen

Step 1: Remove old kitchen.

If you’ve been thinking of having my wife, Miranda Kopfschmertzen and I over for dinner recently, now is a great time for it! We turn down no offers. Will eat food for food.

They came and took my kitchen away.



  1. Max von Fischgeist on 18 April 2008 at 3:32 pm

    Lookin’ good! But what does The Nudge have to say about this?

    I’d invite you over for dinner, but all I have to offer is Top Ramen and the depressingly open acoustics of an empty apartment. Maybe now is the time to record Hurdy Gurdy Man, with empty apartment effects. You know, the kind that make you sound like you’re in space…

  2. Lordleiter on 19 April 2008 at 5:52 am

    Well, you’d sound like that if you were wearing a giant bowl helmet in space…and singing a sweet pop tune like Sodium’s “Hurdy Gurdy Man.”

  3. Anastasia on 19 April 2008 at 10:45 am

    Nigel and I will definitely have you two over, but you’ll need to keep Miranda away from Lil’ Ball of Hate’s food. That attempt at bonding will not go any better the second time around!

  4. Miranda on 20 April 2008 at 5:00 am

    The Nudge is currently loving life at Camp Coleman. He gets a big backyard in which to frolic, a doting grams, air conditioning for those warm days, and a gramps who takes him for walks in the evenings. He wishes the kitchen could get remodeled every year!

  5. Max von Fischgeist on 20 April 2008 at 10:43 am

    Can I make a reservation for Camp Coleman?

  6. Max von Fischgeist on 25 April 2008 at 9:11 am

    Is there a Step 2? Maybe a plant or a rug?

  7. Miranda on 29 April 2008 at 6:20 am

    Step 2 involves getting plumbing and electrical work done. Not too glamorous, but oh-so-very noisy! However, the new dimmer switch is very sexy.

  8. Miranda on 2 May 2008 at 6:01 am

    Step 3 is having Jesus, the drywall messiah, come and make your old walls look new again.

  9. Max von Fischgeist on 4 May 2008 at 4:53 am

    Just hope he doesn’t get overzealous (you know how those zealots are…) and turn the drywall into wine. While undeniably miraculous, and immediately impressive, it’s just not very cool in the long run.

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