Hard Creamer

Seriously, who’s drinking this?  Creamy thing can’t be made manly or tough or EXTREME by adding the word “hard” in front of it.  (Would you put HARD creamer or HARD Half ‘n’ Half in your coffee?)  In fact,  adding “HARD” to “creamer”  just makes things worse.  Maybe they should have called it EXCREAM!

When I see products like this I always wonder how they made it all the way from concept to prototype to testing to market.  Nowhere along the way (like right at the “concept” phase?) did anyone try and put a stop to this abomination beverage?  It looks like milky Tang.

Check out their site. It’s marketed as a “Fruit & Cream with a kick.”  Just what your life has been missing.  And listen to that boss funky jazz groove.  Yeaaaaaaaah…creamy….fruity….yeahhhhh…

HARD Creamer


  1. Taube on 17 December 2008 at 6:56 pm

    Looks like Orange Bang…maybe they should have called it Orange BAM!

  2. Lordleiter on 17 December 2008 at 10:03 pm

    I’ll buy you some for Christmas and you can take one into to Las Barcas (in a brown paper bag).

  3. Max von Fischgeist on 17 December 2008 at 10:29 pm

    Take it from me (but don’t take mine!) – Hard Creamer is daft!

  4. Miranda on 18 December 2008 at 11:36 am

    But I would put HARD soy in my coffee, because if anything can man-up soy creamer, it’s the adjective HARD.

  5. Lordleiter on 18 December 2008 at 11:42 am

    Maybe the make SOYXTREME! for your coffee.

  6. Max von Fischgeist on 18 December 2008 at 3:38 pm

    I don’t think soy creamer is terribly concerned about whether or not its image is tuff enuff. But there are certainly enough questionable keywords in this entry and its comments to turn Lordleiter.com into Google’s #1 Pr0n site! Allow me to repeat them for the sake of curious robots.

    Man (man-up, even!)
    Creamer / Cream

  7. Miranda on 19 December 2008 at 12:28 pm

    And yet, despite the appearance of all these words, my work firewall has not blocked the page…interesting. Let me see if I can push it over the edge:


  8. Max von Fischgeist on 19 December 2008 at 5:40 pm

    That should just about do it.

  9. Anastasia Beaverhausen on 29 December 2008 at 9:35 am

    This is just pornographic.

  10. RTH on 9 June 2009 at 11:10 pm

    Hey. It’s good! Yes, I drink beer, and Scotch (and not that blended or “smooth” stuff, but real Islay malt. )

    Hard Creamer is good – a little gay sounding, but good. It’s just too d*mn expensive. . .

  11. hardxcreamer on 12 July 2009 at 4:41 pm

    hahahahhaa. a couple weeks ago, my friend came over with one in her hand and i was like, can i have the sticker?? and basically my rave name is hard creamer now xD
    its the best fucking drink everr tho o_o

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