eShooting Myself in the iFoot

Two Wednesdays ago my two shows were on, Lost and Alias (my J.J. Abrams fix). Suddenly, at 7:58 my cable goes on the fritz. And not all of my cable, mind you. Just ABC. Seriously. I decide to call the cable company to sort out all this tom foolery. (A rash decision?)

And then I had one of those special moments. The sort of moment when you suddenly realize that you’ve been painted into a corner and it’s all your own doing. You are in a pickle and you literally have no one to blame but yourself. NO ONE TO BLAME! It may be the most unAmerican moment of your life.

Anyway, what I had done was this: I recently switched my phone service to Vonage (the internet phone company). Thus if my cable is out, then my phone is also kaput. A problem to be sure, but for $15/month versus the $35 minimum Verizon was shivving me with every month, it is a problem I am willing to deal with. But the problem is now, if the cable goes out, I can’t call to complain. Which normally would be fine, I usually figure someone else it calling to complain anyway. But my precious shows were passing me by.

But lo, I had another idea. As much as I am against having my mobile phone, it may finally prove its usefulness to me. But lo, my mobile phone’s technology is so powerful, that it refuses to work within the confines of my house. I suppose it’s like asking Frank Sinatra to perform at a coffee house. He’s too big for it, BABY! I honestly don’t know what my mobile phone has done to deserve such celebrity status, but rest assured when I can’t find it and I think it’s lost, it’s off galavanting with Puffy, drinking Crystal, only to return a few days later with a hang over and mysterious “roaming” charges.

Special Note: You may be baffled by the proper use of “e” and “i” in this new fangled age we live in. The rule of thumb is easy. “e” is for verbs (eTrade, eBay) and “i” is for nouns (iPod, iHop).

Man, this may be the most well formed anecdote I have ever spun. Long live Mr. Winkle.