As many of you know, and the rest of you will now know, my biggest fear in life is having B.O or bad breath. I know I should probably pick a better fear because that one exudes lameness. “Nevermind that train that almost obliterated me, Bob, do I have bad breath?” In my defense (which will be weak), I do drink coffee like a mad fiend so I do have reason to think that I am in a contstant state of having the dreaded “coffee breath”.
To avoid the vile “coffee breath”, I try (though I do not always succeed) to have mints or gum or some manner of bad breath deterant on deck for when my coffee beverage is complete. Yesterday as I was trolling in to work, I remembered that it was time to replenish my breath fresheners.
So I stopped at the Vons on the way. This particular Vons now features a Starbucks stand inside the market. Now, I am a big advocate for supporting local business so don’t get the wrong idea. However, in Starbucks’ defense (which is a stonger defense than my worst fear defense), I do feel that they make a decent coffee beverage. Diedrich’s is bad, Seatlle’s Best is fair, The Coffee Bean is in league with Diedrichs…but Starbucks will suffice in a pinch. Plus, I have yet to find a decent local coffee shop by my new house. I will move on.
I wander into Vons with my mission and see the Starbucks stand. I think to myself, “Well, I am going to get some coffee anyway, I might as well get it while I’m here.” I get into the queue which features one other patron. I puruse the menu while the current customer’s order is being prepared. I decide on a small coffee-of-the-day; nice and simple. The queue moved forward, it was my turn. The clerk inquired about my order. My brain passed the phrase “small coffee-of-the-day, please” to my mouth. My mouth translated my brain’s thought to a voice pattern: “Large coffee-of-the-day, please.”
My coffee beverage was lovingly prepared and handed to me. I was elated. I took my coffee beverage and left Vons.
Flashforward four hours.
My coffee beverage is no more. A colleague asked my assistance on project. I feared I have “coffee breath”, so before I move to Taube’s desk I decide to freshen up. I think, “Hey, where are my mints?”